Self Worth

San Rafael Museum

SAN RAFAEL MUSEUM!!

 Took a break to read about the museum!

 Connors new "REX"

 First animal Connor ran to see!

 "Come On MOM!"

 "Whats over there?"

 You cannot really see his face in this one but he got way excited to see the mountain lion he says "That's a big Kitty!"

 "Mom look at these!"

 knocking on the glass "let me in please"

This is his face when he got to see the T-Rex bones!

First thing when I woke up, I said to myself "I need to make this day really special for my little guy". I was ricking my brain trying to figure out what we could do when I pulled out a dinosaur coloring book and it came to me. I had not taken Connor to a museum (what kid has not been to the museum right?). It was a great idea all except he does not listen to the "NO TOUCHING" lol, but still was a load of fun!

I need to make it a goal to show Connor all the great things that are here in our home town!

Everyone say's there is not a whole lot to do in Emery County, which is somewhat true. Half the fun though is finding great things that does not cost anything and is making great memories. 

Camping, Fishing, Hunting, Four-wheeler riding, Horse back riding, Sledding, Hiking, Scenery Driving, Indian Writings, Picnics, Arrow Head hunting, Swimming, Close to Family (family functions) Etc....

Emery County is looked as a hick town, but I look at it as a nice place in the country to raise my son with a lot of fun opportunities!

When I think of the City I think of spending money at the mall, amusement parks, arcades, movies and great places to eat. All great things to do if you have the money. 

I guess depends on your personality and where is right for you. 

New Book

Reading The Hunger Games Trilogy.
I have not read for a while and heard this series was one of the best. I just started the second book. It is very good. It is a romance, suspense science fiction novel. My cup of tea for sure!

Book Description (Amazon): In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. Long ago the districts waged war on the Capitol and were defeated. As part of the surrender terms, each district agreed to send one boy and one girl to appear in an annual televised event called, "The Hunger Games," a fight to the death on live TV. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she is forced to represent her district in the Games. The terrain, rules, and level of audience participation may change but one thing is constant: kill or be killed.

It is very hard to read with a two year old, so the only time that I get to read is when he is a sleep or involved in a movie (which is not often at all). The movie is coming out in March of next year and I am so excited. I just hope they stick close to the book like the Harry Potter books.

If I could talk Dustin into reading this book, he would love it. I know that he is going to like the movie though.
I also would love to go watch "Breaking Dawn part 1"  I read all the Twilight series to and loved them, but there is no way that I am going to stand in line I will just wait till basically everybody in Carbon County has seen it and go or till it comes out. I am not very patient and plus I would have to have a babysitter for longer just to stand in line so I can wait.
If anyone has any books to recommend I would love to hear about them. 

Earthquake in our small town!

Was on my way to the fridge to get some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream when the whole house started to shake. At first, I thought I was going crazy. I picked up the phone to call my sister in law who lives a couple blocks away to confirm we had just witnessed an earthquake. I ended up calling the wrong number, but the guy on the line informed me that he was from our same town and we indeed experience an earthquake. It was the magnitude of 4.1
Crazy, it has been forever since we last had an earthquake in this town. Probably will be the talk around here for a good couple of weeks. Scary, but interesting!
Got me thinking quiet a bit about dying to be perfectly honest. Would Connor be ok? Would I be remembered? Did I do enough with my life? You know all the questions one would ask. Probably best not to dwell on it, but I could not help the thoughts to cross my mind.
The one good thing about thinking any day could be your last is living it to it's fullest. Wanting to be a better person. It is hard sometimes to try to be the best you can be every minute of every day.
What can I do to make this day count?----I need this question in the front of my mind at all times!

Pretty Good Day!

Today was pretty great, even with Connor acting up more than usual. I guess you can see he has officially hit the terrible two stage! No matter how many times he got into trouble he continued to do things he knew would send him back to his room. After his nap though we all hopped into the truck and grabbed a drink from the store and went on a little ride. It really helped all of us to stop getting upset at one another.
Connor and I went and visited our Friends Jax, Myla, Owen, which helped me to have some one on one grown up time and helped Connor to get out all of his excitement. We ate some pretty amazing hot dogs!
When I got home me and my boys rough housed. Then all of us cuddled on the floor and watched gnomeo and juliet.
It was a pretty good day. I miss my husband so much! I hate graveyards. The moments that we get to see him are great! I am so thankful to have a wonderful husband who is a great father to our son. I love him so much. 

Halloween Weekend

The weekend did not start at all as I was hoping. 

Friday night Dustin made a fire then we went to bed. Sometime during the night the damper in the stack closed, causing our house to fill full of smoke. We had changed the batteries in our detectors, but for some reason they did not go off. The carbon monoxide detector was at 38, if it would have reached 40 it would have been deadly. We were so truly blessed to have woken up and get out of there, airing everything out. Connor and I then stayed at my mom's while Dustin tended to the house. 

Saturday, all of us headed down to Saint George in the intent to bring Dustin's grandma home with us to visit. While she was shopping at Ross with my mother in law, we went to visit Dustin's grandpa. During our visit with Grandpa Moore, grandma had a mini stroke and was rushed to the hospital. We stayed waiting to find out the test results till close to midnight. We were then informed that she would be released in the morning. All of us headed for home. (I wished that we had stayed, found out the test results and just been with grandma!)

Sunday morning we found out that more tests needed to be ran, so my in laws headed back down to Saint George. Wish we could have went, but both me and Dustin had work and things that had to be done. We are still praying that things go good for grandma. Most of the day we cleaned, trying to rid the house of smoke smell and damage. 

Of course, Halloween is not considered a major holiday. I had to work, which was fine but really tough when you have a two year old and want to make the holiday spectacular, even if it isn't a huge holiday. Not to mention our batteries in our camera died and could not find the video camera charger so SOL on that! After work we hit up the corn maze. cannot believe we spent 10 dollars to walk around and see some decorations. No pop outs/music/lights/fun things for kids like balloons/candy/clown---very disappointed. The only thing that made it fun was that Dustin hid and Connor had to find him. Then we followed a dove while Connor chased it with his gun trying to shoot it for dinner lol! We hit up all of our families houses. Connor had the whole Trick or Treating down to a T!!! Wanted to go to the carnival, but arrived to late :(. Then Dustin had to work and not much more for me and Connor to do. 

The whole weekend had its ups and downs---little bit more downs but eh that is life right! Things can only look up--or so we hope!

Next year we will plan a whole lot better for this holiday and hopefully it goes as planned. For the record on this Halloween, even though Connor had a runny nose and was not feeling to hot, he had a blast which is all that matters. We do pray that Grandma makes it out of this tough trial and our house goes back to smelling normal. 

How do you portray yourself?

 

I am constantly at war, words vs thoughts. Everything makes sense in my mind but presenting it openly is a battle I constantly fight.

Things use to be so much easier for me; odd isn't it. They say wisdom comes with age, but so not true for me ;). Maybe it is lack of challenging my mind the way I need to.

There is probably many reasons for my lack of knowledge. I wish sometimes that things would stick better. Maybe the way I was made is to be a challenger. Not to be competitive with others but with myself.  

I love imagination, how it works, how fact differs from fiction, what the mind comes up with on its own. I would rather live in a fantasy then in reality. Many do, right? Could it be that I have not grown up? Or will I always be this way? So many questions with no right answers!

Isn't it imagination and dreams that have been turned into reality what has made this world so much more productive/successful/easy etc.?!

I may not be the smartest or prettiest person but I am a great dreamer with a great imagination. I love un-explainable things, stories, the beauty of the universe, the way a childs mind works, and great values that different people obtain. 

Everyone has different views/opinions. I like to hear both sides. I am not good at picking sides or making decisions (good and bad trait). Good because there is always two sides to every story, there are different ways to do things, opinions are great (but some that should not be expressed because of common courtesy). bad because there are times when you have to make hard decisions. 

My mind is all over the place, I am not sure what I believe or don't exactly. Everyone is so different (no two people are the same). So I ask you this who are you? What do you believe? How do you portray yourself? Can you look at another person and put yourself in their shoes before judging? If you had to draw a picture to express who you are what would you draw?

I would draw a circle with every color imaginable inside. Circle defining love that is never ending for my family and friends. Colors for the imagination and different kind of person I am. 

Kind of a lame post to ramble about, but expressing my different thoughts in words is somehow calming.

Sitting here enjoying "Curious George" with the most handsome little guy you will ever meet!
Cannot wait to have more little ones like him. I am not going to lie sometimes he drives me crazy like his father with his stubborn hardheadedness, but would not change him one bit!
I personally feel like we are emotionally ready to have another child, financially we could be more secure (which you can always be more financially secure); It is waiting for insurance to kick in that is important. I cannot wait to get started on making another one of these precious angels!

 I have had many things said to me that have made me feel inferior and put my self-esteem lower than it should be. There are times like today when it seems that I have an eye opener to important things in life and about myself that should not let me take little things to heart.
People put others down to lift themselves up, everyone including me is guilty of this. 
It is very discouraging that people feel that they have to do this in order to feel good about themselves. 
I can honestly say that when I have seen something I disliked about a person I also look for something that is good so I do not get agitated by them as easily. 
It is painful when someone cuts you down and makes you feel insecure. It is quiet easy to make someones self confidence fade.
It boosts our own self confidence when we can find the good in people. It helps us to realize the good in ourselves.

"The French have a great saying that translated means, “spirit of the stairs”. It’s all those comments and comebacks you think of later that you wished you’d said to the person at the time. But, really, it’s no use sinking to that person’s level. That’s what they want. They want to get a reaction out of you, they want you to feel bad and their intent quite likely was to hurt you. So, by responding with similar put downs against them really only plays into their plan and ends up hurting yourself. You also don’t want to end up with regrets later over what you said in anger."   Read more: http://www.life-with-confidence.com/people-who-put-you-down.html#ixzz1aFjqONTt

I am a very sensitive person. Loved ones and friends know this about me. I take to much to heart, but mainly from people I care about. It hurts to have something said about you that makes you put yourself down or think that you are lower than another person or that you have to change. I have found the good in myself. I still take things to heart often, put myself down at times, but am trying to look at things in another perspective, like myself and think of the reasons why some people say the things that they say.
As we all know NOBODY IS PERFECT. Everyone has their flaws. Just be the best you can be for yourself.

MercyMe - I Can Only Imagine

A Great Day

This morning I open the room to my handsome little boys room to see him smiling at me. "Hi Mom, I Love You" he says. How could you not have a great day after a morning wake up like that.
All day long he was full of "Thank You's, Please, Love you's..etc". Days like this one make everything worth while!
We went to the park, something that we have not done in a while together. Connor boy was so full of excitement and laughter. I miss being with him every minute of every day. Even when he is having a rough day. It has been hard to make myself do the things that need to be done with work and the house.
After the park we made dinner and all 3 of us had a family meal (another thing we have not been able to do in a long time), it was so rewarding. Connor blessed the food and thanked his dad in his prayer (which was the highlight of Dustin's night). We went for a family ride and enjoyed each-others company.
It is so easy to get caught up with the world and miss these little things that mean so much. I understand everyday will not be like this one, but I truly live for the moments.
 I can try more to not take advantage of life and to not be blinded by the important things.
Connor and I watched Joseph today. It has been so long since I have even heard the story. Joseph was blessed with the incredible gift of dreams. We all have gifts that we must share with the world. I am so blessed to have Connor who has the gift to make mine and others day a great day with sharing his personality. I am also very blessed to have a husband who does so much, and has such an amazing heart. Tomorrow may be rough, but I was blessed with today.

The Strongest Angel I Know

 She looks so good in Yellow!

Harley Ann you have such a beautiful

 Smile! I love you so much!

 Sweet Angel of Mine

 Let me tell you about someone special in my life. Her name is Harley Ann Peay. She is an angel sent from heaven to show so many people about struggles/obstacles/miracles/hope/prayer and much, much more.
My 6 month old cousin has already gone through so much, more then most people ever experience and she still smiles and over comes many things!
Harley has a paralyzed tracheal tube She was not suppose to make sound or be able to swallow. She still is unable to swallow, but miraculously can make sound. She has to be fed through a tube and suctioned every 7 minutes because she is unable to swallow her own saliva. She has been resuscitated more then 3 times. Spends her life hooked to machines and oxygen.
Through all this she still can smile all day long, not afraid to face anything, strong willed to show others she can do anything she wants to, loves to surprise anybody that is around, a huge heart that loves her mom so much, adorable and perfect in every way!
Such a beautiful baby girl! I have only been able to see her a couple of times but I love this girl from the minute I set eyes on her tiny face.
It is so amazing what kids can teach us and how much stronger they are then all of us. Please keep her in your prayers. She is doing so much better now and continues to progress, but I know that she and her family would appreciate all of your prayers.
Also please note when things are feeling down try to put in your mind that you can overcome it and think of Harley and all the other children who have had to endure so much pain and trials that we would never be able to imagine. These precious angels are gods greatest treasure!