My heart and thoughts are a heavy weight that cannot be lifted. This bubble in my throat refuses to disappear. I know within my heart that I am to blame for my own unhappiness that I feel.
I know what is right and I know that by not doing anything is wrong. Why can I not be who I want to be?
I want to be the heroin of my own story, but when the oppertunity arrives I am frozen. Its as if I am a viewer, a passenger watching but unable to react.
I dont want to be this way. I want to change. I want to be the heroin or someone worthy of happiness. I want to be better.
Asking myself, why cant you just suck it up, and quit being afraid. Because that is what I am. Afraid of consequences, peoples perception/opinions. Shouldnt fears be easy or at least easier than this to overcome. Why am I so weak?
Some may say I am negative or that I did nothing wrong, but by not standing up for myself or my beliefs and by not saying anything at all, I am in the wrong. So very and entirely wrong.
I want to make it better. I need and pray to be better. I pray to be stronger and wiser and less afraid. I pray to act with kindness and integrity. These things should be easy....Lord help me.
I keep singing to myself ~teach me to walk in the light of the lord, teach me to be like my father above, teach me~. I have been taught, I know what is right. Now to follow and lead by the light is the strength I need to find in myself.
1 comment:
You are brave by posting this about yourself.
One of the best things a human can do is admit their weakness.
It's the first step of becoming better. Acknowledgement.
Of course you can improve. I will not disagree with you, but we all can.
No one is perfect. I know I am not.
In fact you may have inspired me to take responsibility for some of my own pitfalls.
I love you.
Post a Comment